i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We left an ass print on the piano.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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