i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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