This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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