Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
