She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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