honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
