Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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