wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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