What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
