Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
