You made me cry and you don't even care
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Buhtt sex?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
