I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
