Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
