And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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