You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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