Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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