Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
