Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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