I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
