so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
