zippers are such a cool invention
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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