her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
