I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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