My hand turned me down
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
