She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize