she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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