Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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