you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You were trust falling into bushes
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
