I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
