No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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