handjob tips. give me some.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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