Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
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