then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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