I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
