Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
