So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
