i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
