have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
This toilet bowl is my home.
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