My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize