So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
