I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
