why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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