I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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