im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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