I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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