in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
