nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
