He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
