even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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