My nipple is on Facebook.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I understand Curling. That high.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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