I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
