Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
