can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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