Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
