Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
