please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
