I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
