i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Jerry, you need to find god
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
