you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
