she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
