I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
