I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize