I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
