I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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