dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
