One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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