I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize