Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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