Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
40s are totally the cure
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
