I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
