I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
