I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
