I cannot find my penis.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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