how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
