Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
