Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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